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Post by TerdBurgler on Jan 16, 2004 19:06:59 GMT -5
Gee, I thought this thing was hard to see in the first place. Now it's moving.
Must ......... Decifer ........... Innacurate .......... 3-D Picture.
Okay, so far, I have identified the presidential seal in the background, and his hair style. If all presidents weren't wrinkly and had parted hair, this would be a lot easier. Hmmmmmmmmm. Maybe it's Eisenhower? Or just possibly Raegan.
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Post by Moero on Jan 16, 2004 19:32:34 GMT -5
Moero here.
And this has nothing to do with the weather, so why am I here at all?
*stands there, looking around*
That loud urgent sounding warning sure is annoying...
*she starts shooting randomly in the air*
SHUT UP!
*there is a minor explosion*
Warning: The proton excelerator packs have been activated. Thirty minutes to reach minimal safe distance. This is your thirty minute warning. Please proceed to designated evacuation areas.
Hmm, that's good.
Did I say thirty minutes? Sorry, I meant thirty seconds. Haha, fooled you.
Bloody artificial intelligence... Apparently it doesn't beat real stupidity at all...
*she starts shooting up at the helicopter*
Tay, lower the bloody helicopter! I know where you keep your swords!
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Post by Tay Mation on Jan 16, 2004 21:57:58 GMT -5
Huh? Helicopte? what are you talking about?? Hey! I am on the helicopter! thats crazy, I was just looking at this crazy 3D pic! If only I wasn't dislexic when it came to these bloody things. They are inversed for me...oh well, ok, I am lowering the chopper now.
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Post by Cat-Girl Ayame on Jan 16, 2004 22:11:35 GMT -5
Okay guys, there goes the Magic Eye poster into the helicopter. *Ayame tosses the pic in and Terd, and Rev jump inside after it.* C'mon Moero! *the helicopter takes off and Moero waits until the last second to jump on to the landing leg for a dramatic effect* Geez, Moero. You and your idioms. If you watch out the window, you can see as the gate to hell gets farther and farther back...yes, any moment now a large Resident Evil-esque explosion will take place. HERE IT IS!
[glow=red,3,300]KA-BOOOOM![/glow] *transmission lost*
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Post by TerdBurgler on Jan 17, 2004 19:43:16 GMT -5
Ah, it's nice to be back in the studio. It's where I belong really. I mean, just look outside! It's much better when viewed from the inside. That way you can enjoy the marching army of death while never leaving the comfort of your own- MARCHING ARMY OF DEATH!!!! When did we get that installed!? Hold on, we're having an incoming transmission from the leader.
*screen turns on and a fuzzy picture of a british man shows up*
Brit: Well, chaps, we gave you a chance to surrenda peacfully, but now we ave to resort to brute force. It would be just smashing if you would give up the terrorists now, and and ovah your nuclear-
Hold on! Now, just because you have a huge army doesn't mean we're gonna host your stupid jenova party!
*screen cuts out* Geeze, the nerve of those guys. Well, as I explained earlier, these people host parties of the worst kind. The kind of which I wouldn't bestow on anyone. Even on- *Epic Close Up* TEEEEEEERORIIIIIISTS!!! *normal view* According to their sources, the terrorists which we saw about twenty posts ago are hiding out somewhere in the studio. Don't worry folks, we've handled these kinds of things before. In order to catch the terrorists inside and keep the frighteningly dull people outside, we've gone in to defcon 2, so if the transmission gets a little fuzzy from this point on, it's only natural.
*pulls an AK 47 from under the desk*
Tomorrow on Newscast, me and Ayame will show you how to make a delicious breakfast out of soy and begals. This is Terd Burgler, Locked and Loaded.
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Post by Tay Mation on Jan 18, 2004 16:18:21 GMT -5
Tay here! Seeing that we are in the middle of a "terrorist Crisis" I thought I might be fun to use my new invention. It is like a fish Radar, but been set to find Terrorists in the building. It seems that there are two...coming up from behind? *Looks Behind, to see nothing* Hmm, I guess I need to work out a few more bugs in this thing. Well, Thats all til Trafic, every few days at that day! *leaves back to room*
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Post by Rev on Jan 19, 2004 13:38:34 GMT -5
This is Rev, about to show you all how to make a lovely human shish-ka-bob. Now, as you can see, I already have my human sliced and prepared. *holds up garbage can*
Next, put your flesh into a bag with a lovely marinade for about 15 minutes.
After that, stab your meat onto a stick and cook for about 4 minutes on each side in your oven on Broil. Enjoy.
Over to Moero with weather.
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Post by TerdBurgler on Jan 19, 2004 18:25:21 GMT -5
You know what. Screw these stupid terrorists, and screw these stupid UN guys! I've been far too busy as of late. Let's deal with this later. And to occupy those darn British-
*walks outside and yells* What's the problem with what the United States is doing today? *entire british congregation bursts out into an uncontrollable argument*
There, that should keep them busy for the next, I don't know, century or so? And lets continue on with the news, as always. In local news, entertainment reporter Sparky the dog has gone missing for quite some time. I have yet to hear about his wearabouts at this current place in time, and I doubt we'll be hearing anything until he miraculously returns. As entertainment continues to go un-reported, I feel even more guilty by the moment being that he stopped showing up shortly after I offended him. More on how I beat myself about it later.
Well, it seems the world is going to end. I met in the studio earlier today with the hobo who lives behind the dumpster of a 7-11 to talk to him about his theory.
TB: So, I'm sure the question on everyone's mind is when is the world going to end? Hobo: It'll happen later this after-year, when I'm NOT drunk. TB: Well, how do you propose it'll happen? Hobo: Well, I reckon that all the building in New Hampshire will start it. When New York gets moved to Portland, you never know what's going to pop out of your shirt! Then there'll be a huge congregation of the robots and when the Empire State Building falls on em, POOF! End of the world right there. TB: I'm sure it will all be terribly exciting. Now here's a few bucks for the trouble. uh........Turn off the camera okay? Hobo: You can't put a price on knowledge my friend, especially when your not a bucket of BEER! TB: Uh, I don't think I ever mention- *cuts out*
And there you have it. I'm not entirely sure how to put it in my own words, but that's aparently how the world will end. (my goodness, who thinks of this crap) Now out to Moero. Sorry for interupting.
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Post by Tay Mation on Jan 20, 2004 15:00:40 GMT -5
Well, While were waiting for Moero, (Who exspect do be out killing people) I will give you guys a traffic report. Well All is cleared up at the gates of hell, on the account that we blew it up. There is a subgate to hell for anyone dying, and going to hell. As Someone Suggested to me the other day. Also It seems that 5400 S. is in total chaos. No one knows why. It is just the way things seem to work in this state. Free ways are pretty clear at the moment. And for the parts that were torn apart by deamons, those are being rebuilt. Though there are a few deamons remaining causing a hold up on the Construction. Thats all for now. Back to who ever wants to report while we still wait on Moero. Tay Mation Out.
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Post by Moero on Jan 20, 2004 22:12:58 GMT -5
*glares off screen*
You weren't waiting for me, you were deliberately cutting me off!
...
I don't care if it's unethical to eat human flesh on television! It's also unethical to starve your staff!
*turns to the camera*
Look, it's getting colder by the second and it's even snowing a little bit. Soon it'll be even colder.
What do you people want from me? Just look outside if you want to know what the weather's like! You all have windows! They're all shaped rectangularly just like your television screen!
Ugh. This is pointless. They're all zombies anyway.
*glares at the camera then walks off*
*OS:* I am seriously in need of fragging.
*you hear the sound of her giant gun being loaded, then a door opening and slamming shut*
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Post by Tay Mation on Jan 21, 2004 11:30:00 GMT -5
No one was cutting you off moero. Anyway, It would seem all should be on the look out for a crazed Killer on the loose. and also Moero is out and about. So be extra careful today.
As for Traffic, The repairs are going good on the freeway, It seems the last remaining deamon as decided it is more fun to attack the Pleasant Oaks Retirement Center. He he, Crazy Deamons. I had a chance to talk with this deamon a littler earlier today. Heres what he had to say. Roll tape *Switchs to tape*
TM: so tell me Mr. Deamon, what is your name?
D: Scourge Blood!!!
TM: scourge Blood, hmm, is that Western Devland?
SB: YAAHHH!!!!
TM: I see, so tell me Mr Blood, why have you decided to switch to destroying Freeways, to killing and maiming old people?
SB: HEHE!! BLOOOOODDDD FUN!! DEATH!!1 *Grabs a walker from an old man walking buy, bends it into a deamonic shape, then devours the quivering old man*
TM: He he, well there you have it, For fun. Ok, well Back to me in the studio. Me?
*Back in the studio* Thanks Tay. Well, I supose thats all for me, on a side note avoid 9th east and 5800 S. Mr. Blood has turned that into his nesting ground, and all die who enter. Thats all for me. now to Ayame.
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Post by Cat-Girl Ayame on Jan 21, 2004 12:28:11 GMT -5
Thank you for that...interesting traffic report Tay. I am sure we'll save many lives this way. In other news today, a breaking story which has science and religion alike up in arms. The following may shock and offend you. Hooray!
*the following is not intended to be funny (well, okay it is a little tiny bit) but is a serious news story. -Ayame
Little does Josephine Walker know what kind of a trick has been played upon her. She's never met the pranksters, nor will she for 9 more months. But when she does, she'll be stuck with them for at least 18 years, perhaps never knowing what they did to her. What am I talking about? The answers can be found here at the Fertility Institute of Los Angeles. That's right, little Josephine is nothing more than an egg donated by her mother, purposely impregnated with sperm from the father in a dish with 7 other eggs. The goal? Choosing the gender of the unborn child. It comes as no suprise that in this age of modern marvels, that gender choosing your baby has finally become a feasable option. At first glace, one can't help but feel a sence of glowing respect for the medical advancement that has been made. Sadly, that glow begins suddenly to change into another kind of feeling. Anger and doubt. I spoke earlier with a man of 20 who did not wish to be recognised on camera. We've cencored his face and used a voice changer.
Ayame: Thank you for talking with me. Unknown Guy: No problem. A: What are your feelings on this new development? UG: I am totally opposed to it. In addition to tampering with genes and rasing babies in tubes -which I feel is inexcusable- we are, to paraphrase a term "playing God." A: How do you feel that is true? UG: Well, it is as of now impossible to change an unborn baby's gender. So they impregnate LOTS of eggs and decide which one makes the cut.
How true that is. "Science is making having a child like trying out for the football team." Says Dr. Steven Reeves, "In addition to choosing the gender, we are only seconds on [the universal clock] from being able to raise a species of genetic perfects." A race of genetically perfect humans? Sounds too good to be true. Or does it? "It is our imperfections that not onlty make us individuals, but also help us to continue to evolve" Dr. Reeves continued, "sure it would be nice to eliminate the suffering one feels when an otherwise-abled child, perhaps one mentally or physically handicapped comes into the world, but is that really for us to decide?". He makes a good point. However, Dr. Cal Meechum and Dr. Ruth Adams have a different point of view. "Perhaps in choosing the gender of one's child, we can elliminate some of the baby-boomers from the new generation of parents" says Dr. Adams, "with less uncertainty, the higher chance that a parent would be satisfied with the child." "Additionally," says Dr. Meechum "we're not deciding who lives or dies. Technically, none of them are alive YET, we just give mother nature a nudge in the right direction. It's only gender we're choosing." "If you are unsatisfied with your child" says Dr. Reeves, "if you see a child, YOUR child, there in the bassinet in the hospital and all you can think is: I wish I'd had a girl, then there is something horrendously wrong with you." Perhaps randomness in births should become the standard. However, it has already been outlawed in most of the United Kingdom and is on the fast-track to becoming illegal in the United States. However, for those of you who wish to become part of this new movement, it is still in the experimental phase. However most companies willing to help go so far as to offer a money back guarentee if your child turns out be the opposite gender. And with a price tag of over $15,000 dollars, that is quite a relief.
Back to you Terd.
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Post by TerdBurgler on Jan 21, 2004 14:22:06 GMT -5
Thank you ayame.
Wow. Gener selection. That's crazy. It is in this reporters eyes that it's just sick and wrong. Lets just keep doin what we do. Adds that randomness that makes life fun. Especially in this studio. Never know what will happen next, so it's always fun, reguardless of how dangerous it may be.
In other news, Sparky is still missing. He hasn't show up for work in weeks, and his desk is starting to collect dust. The janitor was unable to clean it ever since he's been, well, grilled. People are starting to wonder where he's dissapeared to, and it's this reporters reason to believe that he's been kidnapped. We haven't revieced any letters as of yet, but it certainly spices up a boring story. Well, nobodies called the police, and there are not search parties, but we would like there to be in the near future. I would have called the police myself, but they haven't belived me since the "giant Moero" incident, so a no go there. Sparky, we miss you! Come back to us!!
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Post by Sparky the Dog on Jan 22, 2004 21:31:09 GMT -5
*The door flies open and for some reason there is a big storm blowing a cloaked figured walks in with the storm following him. he walks up and pushes terd burgler out of the way. with the storm transfering over to terd. he throughs of his hood revealing a familiar dog face.*
and im back. the trip took longer than i expected and we didnt get bob barker of the air. but we did get voting rights. and now for the gift i promised for you viewers a review. but here is the gift part i'll let you the viewers decied what it is. and by what it is i mean a tv, movie, music, dvd, or video game reviewand anywho washington sucked and so does the adventures that the crew has had. but on a plus side the studio still gave me pay in my leave
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Post by TerdBurgler on Jan 23, 2004 13:31:20 GMT -5
Oh my familiar storm cloud. Where have you been these past weeks? I was starting to get a bit cheery without you.
That's right folks, our Sparky is back, and with that, Entertainment will come back to it's normal status. Having not seen sparky for nearly two pages, many of us had really started to miss him, and actually came up with this short film showing us our favorite sparky moments. *cheesy love song starts up as pictures of sparky flash slowly across the screen* [Sparky giving the Entertainment report] [Sparky with several doughnuts in his mouth] [' ' getting zapped by beer collar] [' ' slobbering drunk at a random bar] [' ' getting shot by several tranquelizers] [' ' attempting to stab Rev while extremely drugged up] [' ' giving Terd an atomic wedgie] [' ' biting the president of the united states] [' ' fearlessly getting shot at by Moero] [Rev hugging some random guy with Sparkies head editied in] [Sparky pushing Terd of his chair as cloud transfers over]
Ah, good times. I can still feel that wedgie.
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