Post by TerdBurgler on Dec 10, 2009 15:33:11 GMT -5
*When the cameras come up, TB is straightening his tie with microphone in-hand. It appears that he's on a pirate ship and behind him, a giant octopus of some sort is thrashing at the boat. All of this seems to be completely out of TB's attention though as he addresses the viewing public.*
Black people.
Once thought to be the most upstanding minority in the entire bunch. They have given us such inspirational figures as Dr. Martin Luther King, Michael Jordon and Reverend Jesse Jackson. Time and time again, they've shown us that you can take a hard, downtrodden life and rise up to a level of exaltation. Truly, they are the purest symbols of the American Dream. Well, like the Greek heroes from the stories of old, we're now seeing the other half of the American Dream: To watch as somebody who worked their way up to have it all fall like a rock through the sky-light of an orphanage for soft-skulled children.
Tiger Woods, the once squeaky-clean golf legend and sports super-star is now a lecherous panty-raider who more thank likely wants to have intercourse with your children. His many mistresses finally surfaced after he drove his car into a tree and his smoking-hot super-model wife broke out his back window with a golf club. Yes, you hear me right. The dude with a SUPER-MODEL WIFE was caught cheating. Geeze, it's like robbing a bank after you won the lottery!
And just how many mistresses did Tiger have? Well, there's been plenty of speculation but this reporter is going to predict that he has had his way with over 6 billion women. That's right, if you're a woman and you're alive right now, Tiger has not only had sex with you, but he's also had sex with your un-born generation of children. Some experts have said that Tiger is addicted to sex. Those same experts were later quoted to say that the sky was blue and some varieties of Jello come in green. Of coarse, now people are beginning to wonder if any sex-tapes are going to arise? If so, will Tiger Woods be getting his own series on E? If so, when will it be on? Tune in next week when Tiger Woods comes to the Newscast studio to promote his new series, For the Love of Tiger.
My name is TerdBurgler, and you're watching Newscast!
Black people.
Once thought to be the most upstanding minority in the entire bunch. They have given us such inspirational figures as Dr. Martin Luther King, Michael Jordon and Reverend Jesse Jackson. Time and time again, they've shown us that you can take a hard, downtrodden life and rise up to a level of exaltation. Truly, they are the purest symbols of the American Dream. Well, like the Greek heroes from the stories of old, we're now seeing the other half of the American Dream: To watch as somebody who worked their way up to have it all fall like a rock through the sky-light of an orphanage for soft-skulled children.
Tiger Woods, the once squeaky-clean golf legend and sports super-star is now a lecherous panty-raider who more thank likely wants to have intercourse with your children. His many mistresses finally surfaced after he drove his car into a tree and his smoking-hot super-model wife broke out his back window with a golf club. Yes, you hear me right. The dude with a SUPER-MODEL WIFE was caught cheating. Geeze, it's like robbing a bank after you won the lottery!
And just how many mistresses did Tiger have? Well, there's been plenty of speculation but this reporter is going to predict that he has had his way with over 6 billion women. That's right, if you're a woman and you're alive right now, Tiger has not only had sex with you, but he's also had sex with your un-born generation of children. Some experts have said that Tiger is addicted to sex. Those same experts were later quoted to say that the sky was blue and some varieties of Jello come in green. Of coarse, now people are beginning to wonder if any sex-tapes are going to arise? If so, will Tiger Woods be getting his own series on E? If so, when will it be on? Tune in next week when Tiger Woods comes to the Newscast studio to promote his new series, For the Love of Tiger.
My name is TerdBurgler, and you're watching Newscast!