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Post by Rev on Jan 9, 2004 15:11:00 GMT -5
This is Rev, reporting from the vet where myself, TB, Moero, Ayame, and Tay have all sedated Sparky. When I say that, I mean we ALL sedated Sparky. As in, I gave him a horse tranquilizer, TB gave him an elephant tranquilizer, Moero gave him a whale tranquilizer, Ayame gave him two of each, and Tay gave him some Benahdryl Allergy medication. We figure from the latter, he'll be out awhile. Seeing as how we're all being sued for his mistakes, we've felt he'll make less mistakes if he were neutered. We'll keep you updated. *evil laugh*
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Post by Cat-Girl Ayame on Jan 9, 2004 15:37:43 GMT -5
Rev, kudos man. Funny stuff. ;D
Hi folks,
since we're on-location with Rev, and since it fits in with my no-scare TV series, we're going to talk to the vet here, a Mrs. Jenny Albertson, about the process of neutering our well sedated friend.
A: Doctor, what kind of procedure are we looking at here?
J: Well Ayame, ordinarily a vet will sedate the animal, then make a small incision and carefully remove the testicles.
A: I see. What do you mean when you say "ordinarily"?
J: Well, I lost my veterany liscence last week for not paying my malpractice insurance. As you might imagine, I do things a little differently here. I use this hacksaw...
A: Is that rust or blood?
J: A little of both, I find a good balance. and then I attack the nether regions with a series of quick stabbity motions.
A: Thank you for your time Dr. Kervorkian...I mean Albertson
J: I have more....
A: no you don't. Back to someone else.
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Post by TerdBurgler on Jan 9, 2004 15:43:04 GMT -5
*stubles in, obviously overdossed on oxycontin*
Whooah whoah woah! That was no dog I shot. That was an osterage. And everybody knows that the only thing that can take down an osterage is (pause) mustard gas. But since I had none around, I just got it outa a box in sparkies room labled "For Terd." I figured he wouldn't mind if I took some. So I was walking around the studio, minding my own business with my trusty jackelope tranquelizer, when all of the sudden, a HIPPO showed up. A big one, but it wasn't fat. It was like, a bodybuilding hippo, so I said, "Hey, you fat hippo, get over here and get what's comin to ya" and I shot him.
Iz a good thing the hospital let me out so early, being that I had a broken leg and all, but they said if I tuuk thez, I would be okay. Whoopsy, looks like Dr. Heiberstein needs another patient. Don't worry doctor, I'm on the pill. (downs a few more oxycontin before falling on Ayame) Hello doctor, is it just me or does the sun get darker during the night?
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Post by Sparky the Dog on Jan 9, 2004 19:45:24 GMT -5
come one rev you think that with how much i drink that that is going to stop puleeez. any who as you all know we are here on location at the vet where i will now give rev a circumstision. LIVE, and since i am all drugged up now thanks to my faithfull lackeys adn i am no rabbi i am just going to stick this knife right between rev's legs and move it around in an angry manor observe.
*sparky takes his knif but being so drugged he stabs rev in the stomach, both legs and then finnaly right between his legs* good thing were at a vet eh? any who i will be at the bar across the street
*sparky exits the vet. before any harm is done*
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Post by Tay Mation on Jan 10, 2004 15:10:04 GMT -5
Tay here, and it seems that in a strange twist of events, Rev has been stabbed...it would appear though that there was no true damage on the account that Sparky was slighty hallucinating... So the point of this story? none really, I just wanted to say stuff...
back to you Rev.
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Post by Sparky the Dog on Jan 10, 2004 17:00:38 GMT -5
you know tay i have been thinking youve been working hard here and grant i cant make this decision alone but i think you should be promotted to sports. but thats just my opinon. ask the others if they'll agree. but in latter news my feet are cold. back to you people over there *sparky points to a group of people standing out side*
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Post by TerdBurgler on Jan 12, 2004 14:51:57 GMT -5
hehe, that's kinda funny, but I think Tay would be just fine with Traffic. We kinda need someone there anyway.
[innapropriate movie review that I shouldn't have done]
And now to sparky with the REAL review.
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Post by Sparky the Dog on Jan 12, 2004 22:03:00 GMT -5
thats what you thinjk you bastard. i have seen Big Fish and have already been working on a damn review and i would have you know that it is the first movie game book dvd, ect that recieves a Big 5 out of 5 Fish. but on later news. I sparky the dog has been nominated leader of the million house hold pet march. we are marching to stop bob parker from telling everyone to get there pets spaded or nutered. we are also going to get voting rights and equal privaleges so i bid you all a farwell and will see you all in a week. however there is one thing i demand Terd is not to do entertainment but anyone else can except terd and in my faithfull return i will have a special prize for all of you even the veiwers and terd go to hell you ****ING B******
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Post by TerdBurgler on Jan 13, 2004 19:16:10 GMT -5
Well gee, I think someone's overeacting. I hope you know we're on television. That's what happens when it just doesn't feel like you're doing your job. I was going to ask your permission, but I expected that you would flip out like you did. Gosh, we really do need to get this guy neutered. As for any entertainment reviews I do, I think I'll be sticking solely to game cube and computer games from now on. (I very rarely see any movies anyway, so don't be expecting anything else from me) Moving on, I think Sparky hates me. On a lighter note, Everyone else hates me.  I guess I really should be sorry about that. I don't normally say this, but Sparky, I'm sorry. I'll be sure to check in with you next time, okay? I hope this doesn't ruin our relationship. And no, I don't mean a gay relationship. It's a co-worker relationship. And no, not the kind of relationship between manager and secretary. The kind of relationship that only a sassy dog and a timid anchor can have. And rest assured, it's not a gay one. This just in, I'm gay? WHAT!? Who's been messign with the teleprompter? |
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Post by Tay Mation on Jan 13, 2004 19:25:48 GMT -5
he he
sorry Terd I couldn't resit messin' with the prompter!
But have no fear I don't hate ya. I will have more on Traffic a little later.
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Post by Cat-Girl Ayame on Jan 13, 2004 19:46:54 GMT -5
(heh heh heh, it's nice to be running the teleprompter)
Ahem, welcome back to Newscast. I am anchor Ayame and this is my homosexual co-anchor Terd Burgler *terd seems to be freaking out at the moment about the teleprompter "glitch"*
Our top story this afternoon:
The world's largest ocean liner, the Queen Mary 2 set sail on it's first Trans-Atlantic voyage today from Fort Laterdale Florida. The ship which carries 2,600 passengers, 1,300 crew members and has enough generators to light a small city is a billionaire's delight with rooms ranging from $3,000 econo-rooms and $40,000 suites. The ship is the latest in luxury ocean travel, a marvel of the 1900-1930's. The ship which has been called "unsinkable" has a planetarium, a ballroom, 14 resteraunts, 25 spas, a theater, internet access, a space shuttle landing strip, and carries the latest in offensive weaponry. "President Bush personally had a hand in her design" says one man of the ships' crew, "in fact, it was him that decided to paint "go away you icky submarines" on the bottom of the ship. The words are a ploy of course, the sub needs to approach and surface to see what it says, then the crew of the QM2 drop a specially made nuclear bomb on them.
In other news:
The mars lander is FINALLY about to roll off it's platform. When asked why it took so long, the spokesperson for Nasa, a Mr. Twink Winklemier said: "well, our controller stopped working and Radio Shack is fighting us, saying the warantee on the car has expired. We need to get a replacement before we can begin, but [RadioShack] assured us that a new one is on it's way from their supply house in Tuscon.
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Post by TerdBurgler on Jan 13, 2004 22:25:10 GMT -5
I got a visit a few days ago from some foreign dudes in a limo. It seems they want us to host some convention or something about this dude named jenova or something. I'm not entirely sure what they wanted being that I was the only news person in the area (and lets face it, I'm no field reporter) and was unable to get anything out of this one british dude who said it would be "smashing." Of coarse, I assured him there was already enough smashing going on here as it is.
Well, I'm not sure about you guy, but a party which involves a bunch of foreign guys making a bunch of hubub about guns doesn't sound to exciting to me. We got enough trouble here as it is. So on with the news.
It seems that today the UN discovered a threat to national security today. Government spies found what they think is a terrorist group disguising themselves as a local news studio. They attempted to disarm the band of terrorists earlier today, but were turned away by the leader of the terrorists. He had only this to say,
"No, no, I can assure you, there's plenty of smashing going on here. Anyway, we're not interested much in a gun party right now. We have plenty as it is."
Government spies have determined that they have several nuclear facilities inside the building and suspect that they are harboring-
*epic close up*
Weapons of Mass Destruction!! Whoooooooo, scaaaaaary.
*back to regular camera*
and has sent one of their most elite operatives to stop them. Wait just a moment! It seems that the inner operative is giving us LIVE feed of the terrorist operations.
*screen pops up of a local news broadcast*
It seems that the terrorist is quite the attractive fellow. It looks to me like they're giving the news. Those tricky terrorists. It seems like- (uh, Mr. Black, we don't pay you to loaf around in front of the camera) He seems to be talking to someone and - drat, we've lost contact. Well, more on the situation as it develops. Now on to somebody for something.
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Post by Moero on Jan 13, 2004 23:34:13 GMT -5
*cut to Moero, sitting down and looking somewhat sick, her skin a deathly pale pallor and her eyes ever-so-softly glowing a pulsating red*
It's 17 degrees outside... probably 10 by now.... and I just got kicked out of my D&D group.... I'll show them crappy roleplaying!
*she glares at a stack of character sheets in front of her until they combust*
Ha! Take that, Alastair Goldrain! And you, Froderick von Brisbane! And you crappy, drunken, dawrven DM! Where's your Constitution now! There's no Fortitude Check to save you this time!
((ooc: yes, it's true, this is the second campaign I've been in where the DM plays a drunken dwarf.))
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Post by TerdBurgler on Jan 14, 2004 12:05:25 GMT -5
Well, seeing that Moero isn't in the best mood right now, the mayor of Provo has ordered the city evacuated. Most people have sought refuge in BYU, but those poor, thoughless fools will get theirs soon enough. Well, if you're that dumb, I guess it's essentially Darwinism weeding you out.  With all the hubub from geeks due to the lack of activity since the release of Return of the King, many nerds and such have marched onto the Wizards of the Coast main office in protest. One pathetic loser had this to say: "Man, ever since Black Plauge, there's been no good magic cards released. It's like they're not even trying. I mean seriously, a three/three red creature with flanking? Like we haven't seen this before." Other dorks decided instead to strategically attack gaming companies. One hopeless frood said this in a brief interview: "Yeah, so we were all upset that Half Life 2 has taken so long that I got my entire clan together and we attacked Sierra with the nastiest stuff we could find on the internet. That includes things like cherry bombs, some small napalms, and acid balls. Unfortunatly, we all throw like girls, so we have yet to breach the outer wall. Could you please help?" With nerds, geeks, dorks, losers and all of the like on utter revolt, the internet has scheduled a super-mega-party to celebrate the loss of all the stupid forum crappers, hackers, and those one guys who say a whole lot of stuff when essentially, they have nothing to say. But you haven't gotten rid of me yet. This is Terd Burgler, and that's all I really have to say. |
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Post by Rev on Jan 14, 2004 12:06:06 GMT -5
This is Rev, live at the gates of hell. More information on the sudden influx of inmates here.
It seems that the souls coming into hell are mainly the souls of American Idol failures who committed suicide. Why are they going to hell? Because they were stupid enough to think they could get onto the show. I'm here with Lucifer. Lucifer, why so glum, chum?
Lucifer: I'm never going to be able to sleep again.
Rev: And how! They're still singing and I almost want to hang myself.
Lucifer: Immortality is a killer, man.
Rev: Right. Well, back to you in the studio.
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