TerdBurgler Moderator -Forum Moderator- member is offline
We made brownies. And I think we're dead.
Joined: Jan 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 514 Location: My own little world
Re: The Newscast « Result #1 on Dec 10, 2009, 3:33pm »
*When the cameras come up, TB is straightening his tie with microphone in-hand. It appears that he's on a pirate ship and behind him, a giant octopus of some sort is thrashing at the boat. All of this seems to be completely out of TB's attention though as he addresses the viewing public.*
Black people.
Once thought to be the most upstanding minority in the entire bunch. They have given us such inspirational figures as Dr. Martin Luther King, Michael Jordon and Reverend Jesse Jackson. Time and time again, they've shown us that you can take a hard, downtrodden life and rise up to a level of exaltation. Truly, they are the purest symbols of the American Dream. Well, like the Greek heroes from the stories of old, we're now seeing the other half of the American Dream: To watch as somebody who worked their way up to have it all fall like a rock through the sky-light of an orphanage for soft-skulled children.
Tiger Woods, the once squeaky-clean golf legend and sports super-star is now a lecherous panty-raider who more thank likely wants to have intercourse with your children. His many mistresses finally surfaced after he drove his car into a tree and his smoking-hot super-model wife broke out his back window with a golf club. Yes, you hear me right. The dude with a SUPER-MODEL WIFE was caught cheating. Geeze, it's like robbing a bank after you won the lottery!
And just how many mistresses did Tiger have? Well, there's been plenty of speculation but this reporter is going to predict that he has had his way with over 6 billion women. That's right, if you're a woman and you're alive right now, Tiger has not only had sex with you, but he's also had sex with your un-born generation of children. Some experts have said that Tiger is addicted to sex. Those same experts were later quoted to say that the sky was blue and some varieties of Jello come in green. Of coarse, now people are beginning to wonder if any sex-tapes are going to arise? If so, will Tiger Woods be getting his own series on E? If so, when will it be on? Tune in next week when Tiger Woods comes to the Newscast studio to promote his new series, For the Love of Tiger.
My name is TerdBurgler, and you're watching Newscast!
TerdBurgler Moderator -Forum Moderator- member is offline
We made brownies. And I think we're dead.
Joined: Jan 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 514 Location: My own little world
Re: The Newscast Break Room « Result #2 on Dec 10, 2009, 3:07pm »
*The serpentine ship darted through the water, turning sharply to just barely evade the massive tentacle of the kraken which came crashing down into the water. A wave washed over the ship, taking several crew members with it but CB held fast at the helm. The cannons thundered and the kraken's tentacle was riddled with the iron balls. It reeled back in pain and lashed out at the ship with another arm.*
Captain, I'm not sure how much longer we can do this. We're losing a lot of those little, annoying people.
We have to hold on, Mr Lone! Thar be treasure to be had!
But captain-!
*CB's parrot suddenly began to squawk and vibrate violently.*
Arrr, not now parrot! We be kinda busy!
*The parrot screeched loudly and a piece of paper popped out of it's mouth in dot-matrix print. CB growled angrily and snatched the paper and took a quick look at it. He then froze in place and began to sweat profusely.*
What is it, Captain?
Oh my G-.... Sweet mother of..... BY WALTER CRONKITES NECKTIE!
Who?
Praise be to Scandalous News, Hallowed by thy paparazzi! I've got a job to do!
Yes, you do have a job to do! We're under attack by a kraken and you're the captain!
*TB turned to Lone with a dramatic look in his eyes.*
I'm not a captain, Lone.
*He grabbed his tattered vest and tore it off violently, revealing a long-sleeved dress shirt and purple tie beneath.*
I'm a News-man!
How did you tear off a shirtless, chest-less piece of clothing to reveal a long-sleeved shirt?
Unimportant detail!
((OoC: News post to come shortly.))
« Last Edit: Dec 10, 2009, 3:08pm by TerdBurgler »
Re: The Newscast Break Room « Result #3 on Nov 16, 2009, 5:33pm »
Ayame chased after the forward section of the ship as it flew faster and faster into the blackness. Without any means of slowing itself down, it could end up on the far side of the cosmos before it stopped, and then they might never get home.
Ayame tripled the output on her boosters and lurched forward, finally surpassing the speed of the craft and slowly catching up.
Do not worry friends! I shall be there to save you. Eventually!
Of course, sound doesn't travel in space, but fortunately, there are subtitles.
Thankfully, it was only another few moments before Ayame was able to grab ahold of the huge chunk of debris. She latched on and pulled with all her might, but to no avail. Even though she would have eventually been able to halt the craft, the longer they traveled, the further they might be from help should it be required.
Wait! I have an idea! Ayame said, triumphantly. She pressed a button on her ear and out popped a small Cambot pink cambot with a yellow flower affixed to the side.
Cambot: Beep BEEEP beep beep beeeeep bing bing?
Yes, it is excellent to see you as well but there are no time for pleasantries, I am afraid. I require that you-
Cambot: beep bep bing bing bing beeeeeeep beep beep bop?
Of course I do, but several friends are in danger!
Well, I have been away from Earth for a great deal of time so I do not know. I believe so, but I will have to check when we get back.
Cambot: Bing beep bep bep bing boop wooooo?
You see that hole? Please, fly inside and find the one called Rev. Tell him to place a heavy barrier around the ship of Ace. I have an idea.
Cambot: Beep BEEEEP!
The Cambot does a little twirl and is off, darting into the hole Ayame indicated. It zipped and zagged through the damaged vessel until it finally popped out into the space occupied by Ace's ship. A quick scan noted three lifeforms in the lower area of the ship, a spot which the Cambot dashed to with considerable speed.
When it finally navigated it's way into the engine room, it at first appeared empty. The Cambot whirred and whistled in puzzlement as it flew about the room before finally coming to a halt near the door.
I have the feeling you're looking for us? said a voice. The Cambot turned in place and found Rev, Ace, and the Crocodile pressed firmly against the wall of the ship, the speed holding them pinned against it.
Cambot: BEEP! Beep beep WOOOOP!
The Cambot zoomed over to Rev and began a five minute tirade of God only knew what.
Look, I'm glad Ayame found us and all, but I have no idea what you're saying. Do you know semaphore?
The Cambot squeaked and produced two tiny flags from it's side and then proceeded to wave the wildly about.
Okay, I suppose I should have expected that from something Ayame controlled. Could you just print out her message please?
The Cambot beeped dejectedly, but printed out a small slip of paper. Upon it were pictures of flags.
**********
Elsewhere, Ayame had managed to crawl along the hull until she'd gotten inside. She now hovered over Ace's ship waiting for the shield to be raised.
What could be taking so long? Ayame thought, assuming a sitting position in midair. I know I am to be worried at a time like this, but I do not handle the anticipation well. I like to be moving.
**OoC: I will post again later, this is only half of it.**
Stand by my side, there's nothing to hide! Together, we'll fight to the end! Take hold of my hand and you'll understand what it truly means to be friends!
TerdBurgler Moderator -Forum Moderator- member is offline
We made brownies. And I think we're dead.
Joined: Jan 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 514 Location: My own little world
Re: The Newscast Break Room « Result #4 on Oct 30, 2009, 12:22am »
Did I just get smaller or did that kraken thing get a lot bigger?
Yar, what a cop-out this be! I woulda' expected something way cooler than a re-hashed, recolored version of a previous boss model. It be like the developers all came down with the scurvy.
Captain, you've been saying a lot of weird stuff lately. What do you mean by boss models? Or developers for that matter?
I don't rightly know, Mr. Lone. It just be coming to me naturally. Like something I forgot a long time ago.
*Acting again on his extremely fast reflexes Lone shoved CB to the ground as another pistol round whizzed by.*
Sorry about that. There was another bullet.
Arrr, it be like it's raining gunfire. This could work to our advantage, Mr. Lone! A big thing like the Kraken won't be able to avoid constant gun-fire.
On that note, don't you think we should start attacking it?
Aye, ye be right. This 'press START to begin' thing is starting to bug me. I'll get to the helm. CREW! Get the cannons ready! Once we're in range, we be blowing this thing to Calamari!
There, you did it again!
What, with the calamari thing?
No, the whole 'START button' thing.
It just felt right, ye know? I dunno, sometimes I wonder if these multi-tiered boss fights really be worth the XP and GP. Maybe I could settle down from the life of bein' a pirate. Try something more relaxing like Animal Crossing or Harvest Moon. But that be something for another day. Today, we engage the Kraken!
*The crew cheered with enthusiasm as the ship turned towards the towering beast.*
--------------------------------
*AESHA stood in the editing room, absolutely puzzled with what to do. The once-clean room was now completely strewn with film canisters, unraveled 35mm film, VHS tapes and mis-matched piles of SD cards.*
Ugh, I cannot figure out this editing machine. All the good tutorials require a card of credit and every one I try to acquire turns out to be a virus or an American Express! I'll never figure this out before Ayame gets here...
*Just as AESHA was about to leave the editing room, her holo-foot caught a film roll which caused a pile of junk to fall off of a computer in the corner.*
Ah, a computer! I can easily sync with the machine and utilize it's programs to edit the video. Now then, lets see what we have...
*AESHA's holographic form walked up to the machine. Modifying her pointer finger, she changed it to the shape of a USB stick and plugged it into the computer. Moments later, an 8-bit version of AESHA appeared on the monitor and began to look around.*
8-Bit AESHA: Now then, lets assemble all the video-editing programs on this machine.
*She reached out and a handful of icons drifted over to her.*
Now, let's see this first one... Apple - Final Cut Pro? Now this won't do at all. I am not cutting apples! I am cutting film. Plus I want to be able to do so many times, not only the Final time. This program is clearly not what I need. What else do we have... Adobe Premier? This cannot be right. I need to alter videos, not have premiers for hovels made from clay and sand!
What else can there be on this computer... Oh, here we are! Windows Movie Maker. This is exactly what I am looking for! I do intend to make movies, especially the type that certain pink-haired robots must view through the window since they are outside! Hahahahaha! Now to utilize this program to create masterful cinematographic manipulations to make me out to be the hero! I am so glad I found such an efficient and easy-to-use program as Windows Movie Maker!
Re: The Newscast Break Room « Result #5 on Oct 23, 2009, 11:51pm »
After several frustrating moments, Ayame lowered her arms. The connection sockets in the wall were no longer square, but suffice it to say, they would no longer be useful to anyone.
A pox on interdimensional connector sockets! Ayame exclaimed, Now what is it I am to do?
Ayame began scanning for the viewer shield manually, but Ace's ship seemed to have a frustrating amount of buttons, most were unlabeled and many were blinking in unison. Finally, she just started pressing them randomly.
When Ayame thought she'd pushed them all, she marveled. Even she was impressed with the decided amount of destruction she'd managed to do to the cockpit. In fact, everything seemed to be on, flailing about, or blinking now EXCEPT the shield.
I am running out of time! THINK, AYAME!
Somewhere in the distance, there was an explosion, and then another and another. Time was up. With nothing else to do, Ayame leaped through the windshield and back out into the main corridor. In a split second, she activated her boosters and blasted her way through the layers of the ship until she finally made it out into space. As the explosions drew closer to Ace's ship, Ayame activated her double-bladed staff.
Do not worry, friends! I shall save you!
Ayame then charged at the ship, channeling a good amount of energy in the blade, and with a single swipe sliced the massive craft in two, just in front of the H. The forward tip which held Ace, Rev, Ace's ship and now the interdimensional crocodile fell away from the rest of the ship just as the explosions reached them.
Hooray! I have done it! They are-
It was, fortunately, at that point that Ayame noticed that the rather large explosion created by the Ultrasuperdeathbringer has caused the small section she'd just cut off to be blasted at rather a high speed off into space.
Stand by my side, there's nothing to hide! Together, we'll fight to the end! Take hold of my hand and you'll understand what it truly means to be friends!
Re: The Newscast Break Room « Result #6 on Oct 21, 2009, 7:27am »
Ayame, Rev, and Ace stood transfixed as the glimmer beyond the cockpit screen happened again.
For a moment, time seemed frozen. Ayame, Rev, and Ace watched as the glimmer beyond the cockpit screen became more pronounced.
*ding-a-ling-ding*
Finally, the tension was broken. They felt rather than saw the creature spring forward, smashing through the screen and colliding hard into Ace, with Rev's magical barrier taking the brunt of the impact. The creature, stunned as it was by colliding with something much harder than it's prey should have been, dropped it's camouflage.
Ace's arms were around the massive thing in an instant, and the pair of them flew out of the cockpit and back toward the engine room.
We must help Ace! Ayame cried, turning toward the door.
Wait.
Wait? I cannot! Ace is being in the trouble! What shall I do if he is consumed by that monster?
Don't worry, interdimensional crocodiles are a speciality of mine. But I think Ace and I would BOTH appreciate it if you found a way to fix that hole and move this ship before we're all dead.
Myu?
Think hard, Ayame. Riding on the bear? Bombs? Boom? Very soon?
Oh! The ship is about to explode, yes?
I'll leave you to it then. Rev turns and follows the sound of Ace's struggle down the stairs. Ayame turns back to the control panel of the ship.
Okay, Rev and Ace are counting on me to not be killed by the cold, airless vacuum of unforgiving space. Come, Ayame. This will be simple.
Ayame holds up her arms and much as they did long ago on the Redfish, they unfold into connection jumpers. As her arms crackle and pop she scans the alien dashboard for the button to open the connection sockets. After frantic moments of searching, and a small headache from using her head to press the button, a panel opens on the back wall.
At last! Ayame exclaims, relieved. She skips to the panel and pushes her arms against the holes -they don't fit.
Ayame pulls them back and looks at the holes on the panel. They are square. She looks at her connectors. They are round.
Somewhere below, Ayame hears a crash, and someone yelling. Then, from the bottom of the stairs-
Ace says not to worry, um...love..., but he does request you get us moving, as the...wait a second. What? Oh, right. The bombs'll be going off in about 3 minutes.
Stand by my side, there's nothing to hide! Together, we'll fight to the end! Take hold of my hand and you'll understand what it truly means to be friends!
Destroying is better than creating when we're not creating those few, truly necessary things.
Joined: Jan 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 417 Location: Gates of Hell (egotripping)
Re: The Newscast Break Room « Result #7 on Oct 19, 2009, 12:36am »
Quick! We've got to get closer to them while the processing power of this game is all amped up!
Ye be speaking nonsensical devil words, devil lady!
Just get over there fast while we have the chance.
*Tay looked around the deck of the ship, and decided that the steering wheel was a good place to start. He shifted it just a bit, and sure enough, the winds of fate picked up the sails and led them speedily towards the other two ships.*
*Meanwhile, large puffs of smoke exploded up between the ships as the cannons were fired. As the breeze cleared the smoke away, the two ships seemed barely damaged, but there were a few dead bodies.*
Oh no! It's . . . this guy! He's been hit, sir!
Arr, that be the way of a pirate's life. He be serving ol' Davy Jones now. His tarnished soul may never know rest. *Captain Burgler spat over the rail into the ocean, then leaned over the survey the damage done to Mr. Blackbeard.*
Ye'll pay fer this, Burgler! That treasure be mine and so be yer life! *Mr. Blackbeard was shaking his fist appropriately. There was one smoking, burning hole in Mr. Blackbeard's ship's hull, and it was sinking down a bit.*
Ye've got nothing, Blackbeard! Yer boat's sinkin' and yer crew's half dead. I'll finish ye off if'n it be the last thing I do and the treasure be mine!
*Suddenly, Lone leapt towards Captain Burgler, yelling.* Look out, sir! *In the same instant there was the cracking of a pistol being fired, and Lone and Captain Burgler slammed onto the deck.*
Ye've got the reflexes Lone, ye sure do.
Ye mean the reflexes of a fox, sir?
Yar, that be what I meanin'.
*Tay was looking nervous and trying to hide the pistol by putting it in his pocket.*
You were supposed to hit him!
Hey, it's not my fault that guy is crazy, crazy like a fox.
*Captain Burgler was standing up and was no doubt about to fly into a very indignant and uncouth fulmination, when the ship began shaking. All three ships were shaking. The whole ocean was shaking. And before them rose a freaking huge Kraken. Its arrival flung Mr. Blackbeard's ship far into the air, smashing against the cliff above Death Cove. It cast the remaining ships and everything else nearby into shadow. Several tentacles hovered, flailing in the air. The enormous, bloodshot eyes stared angrily at the tiny characters below.*
TerdBurgler Moderator -Forum Moderator- member is offline
We made brownies. And I think we're dead.
Joined: Jan 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 514 Location: My own little world
Re: The Newscast Break Room « Result #8 on Oct 6, 2009, 4:17pm »
-=Lets fast-forward a bit, shall we?=-
*After a very perilous and otherwise suicidal sail through the fog-shrouded crags, the Serpentine Ship emerged from the wall of fog. Before them was the open ocean and in the not-so-distant distance, there was a small island.*
Hey Capn', I think I see the island! Finally, we'll get our hands on all that assumed treasure!
*CB glared at Lone.*
Oh, sorry. I mean, booty.
That don't be it, Mr. Lone. What else do ye see out there?
Hmmmm... I see a couple other boats. Hey, do you think they're going the same way as us?
A' coarse they be goin' where we be goin'! A good pirate can smell a treasure as big as I be assuming this treasure be. No doubt we'll be having ourselves a final epic sea battle here where all our fates be decided. The sort of thing with highly rendered cinematics and a multiple-phase boss fight.
Wow, you're going to have a multi-phased boss-fight?
What? No, I ain't be having any milti-phased boss-fights. What do ye think this is, a vidja' game? That sorta' thing don't happen in real life. I'm just sayin' that if such a thing were to occur, this would be a situationally appropriate circumstance fer it. Yar!
Why did you say Yar?
I dunno, that sentence just seemed to end a little empty, ye know? Wanted to throw something on there to make it seem more enthusiastic. Do ye think it came off as tacked-on?
Maybe a little, but you're the professional pirate. I trust your judgement.
Arrrr, all hands on-deck! Man the port-side cannons! Batten down the hatches! Aft the jib and hard alee'! Cue the cinematic!
What?
*Suddenly, as if the entire universe was turned on high-def, everything became extremely sharp and vivid. Every rope and sail on the ship reached a level of detail that had been otherwise lacking this entire time. Small thing which, up until this point had been all but invisible, began to appear. The deck of the ship, which had previously just been a flat, rendered surface, turned into individually discernible planks. Pirates which had, only moments ago, a small range of expressible emotions were now fully animated in their gruffness. You could even count the stubbly wiskers on Captain Burgler's grizzled face. And Lone? Forget about it! The physics on his fur which had originally been simple and stiff now flowed in the wind and shimmered in the setting sun.*
Wow, this is awesome! Why isn't everything normally like this?
Yar, because it be too expensive to produce consistently.
--------------------------------------
*Tay was pumping himself up for another mass-killing as Moero sat in a corner of the ship trying to hold down her boredom long enough to suffer through the last of this blighted game. Then out of nowhere, everything suddenly became sharper and had dramatic lighting.*
Whoah, what just happened?
Goddess, it's a cinematic.
What does that mean, blue demon from beyond the stars?
Just sit back and watch. Something incredibly predictable is about to happen. The two ships are going to pull up next to each other, pull out their cannons, probably some pirates snarling at each other and then the cannons will fire and we'll go back to normal graphics.
Really? Wouldn't they want to do something a little more creative?
If everything else in this game has told me anything, this is NOT a creative game.
---------------------------------
*....pirates snarling at eachother and Captain Burgler raised his sword and bellowed.*
Fire ye devils!
*Captain Mr. Blackbeard raised his sword in similarly dramatic fashion and somebody else shouted,*
"Fire back you also devils!"
---------------------------------
*The Redfish II pulled into the hangar, landing within 10.4 nanometers of it's position when she left. AESHA didn't want there to be any evidence of her little trip when TB got back from his vacation. If Rev was going to spill the beans, she could easily say she never left the studio at all. Although that left Ayame's testimony in question. Terd seemed to trust her no matter what she said and that could prove fatal to her argument.*
I need to prove that I did not do anything... Of coarse! I'll take the video surveillance from the studio and modify it with earlier video recordings. That way I will have video proof that I didn't do anything! AESHA, you are one efficient super-computer!
*She walked off proudly towards the editing room.*
To be blind is not to be unable to see it's just to be unable to do so with the eyes.
Joined: Apr 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 244 Location: Some place...
Re: The Newscast Break Room « Result #9 on Oct 2, 2009, 3:27pm »
*The ship turned and began to move in roughly the right direction as per the captains orders. The exact direction didn't matter much, on adventures like this the winds of fate would always get you to where you were supposed to be. Lone started to get the hang on giving orders to the crew. When he felt that things would probably run itself for a while he walked over to the captain.*
So, cap'n, how much treasure do you think we'll find?
Oh, load and loads I assume. There's always a lot of treasure involved in these things.
Wow, reminds me of that time when we got the huge amount of booty from working for that company... uhh...
What? We? Worked for a company?
I'm not sure... a second ago I remembered it clearly but now there's no trace of it...
Don't be silly, I've been a pirate all my life! And you only joined the crew about a week ago.
Oh yes, of course... sorry I brought it up.
*Lone pondered the odd memory, or rather the memory of the memory he couldn't quite recall now. But after a while he let it slip.*
So what do you say, when we get all that treasure can't we go back and spend some of it in that wonderful port town?
*CB gave Lone a rather odd but approving look, it took a brave man to utter a joke that horrifying. Lone simply walked away, humming one of the tunes he had picked up in Bubblegum Bay*
Fear - an emotional response to impending danger, that is tied to anxiety. Behavioral theorists, like Watson and Ekman, have both suggested that fear, along with a few other basic emotions (e.g., joy and anger), is a trait innate to most higher functioning organisms. Fear is a survival mechanism, and usually occurs in response to a specific negative stimulus.
Destroying is better than creating when we're not creating those few, truly necessary things.
Joined: Jan 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 417 Location: Gates of Hell (egotripping)
Re: The Newscast Break Room « Result #10 on Oct 2, 2009, 2:32am »
*Suddenly a pirate ship appeared on the horizon! That is, a third pirate ship. It was soon apparent that three ships were all headed for the same destination: Death Cove. Moero leaned over the railing to look at this newcomer. The salty breeze playing in her hair was actually pleasant, too bad it was fake. Moero was barely able to discern with her cybernetic vision who was standing on the bow. It was a strangely familiar man with a strangely familiar paper clenched in his hand.*
What the smeg? Mr. Black? Where'd he get that map? What's he doing here?
Mr. Blackbeard! He's the fiercest pirate sailing the sea, beside Captain Burgler. We gotta get to the treasure before him!
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